Cries for the Kingdom

Today it all came crashing down on me in a moment of Divine revelation.  Well, maybe just a good chunk of the puzzle was just pieced together.  Ya, I like that one more.  Anyway, here is how it went: This morning, after reading a bit of Thomas Schreiner's "New Testament Theology" (concerning the miracles of Jesus as signs of the Kingdom of God being present and that Jesus is King), I decided to open up to Mark 5:1-20 (where Jesus heals the demon-possessed man).  I had a great time of reflection and praise for the fact that Jesus brings the fulfillment of the Old Testament expectations that God would begin to rule on the earth, binding the evil and bringing healing to his people.  I personalized this and meditated on the reign of Christ in my life and the healing that he brings.  However, in concentrating on the presence of the Kingdom in the ministry of Jesus and how that still continues today, I was quickly moved from a time of rejoicing to a time of deep sorrow and lamentation.  I realized how many things surrounding my life are broken and how those are still parts of this world that await the final consummation of the Kingdom of God: broken families, poverty, addiction, death, and sickness (both spiritual and physical).  This created a somber rhythm the rest of the day.  There was goodness in meditating on that which awaits fulfillment, for my prayer became "Your Kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven."  

Drained.

I am so tired.

Not only physically, but emotionally, spiritually, and socially.

I want Jesus.

I want to hear his voice say, 

"Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy-burdened ...

and I will give you rest."

Yes, rest. 

How beautiful that sounds.

Rest from the fast-paced,

paper-to-paper,

person-to-person,

email-to-email

craziness we call life.

There is so much more than this.

There is so much more than 

grades.

Papers.

Finals.

Jobs.

Money.

I just want Jesus. 

if this is true, my ears are bleeding

God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.

(CS Lewis)

ancient.dream.of.eden

Jesus is not JUST a band-aid...

He's also kind of like a rose covered in thorns.  

We reach out and grab hold of Him

And bleed.

It hurts.

Grasping the fullness of His call

We feel the pain of a life of suffering and anguish.

"No matter how deep our darkness, He is deeper still."

"No matter how deep our darkness, He is deeper still"

-Corrie Ten Boom

My emotions have not yet caught up to me.  It makes me sick and numb. 

Cognitively, I know that God is good and He will be glorified--that isn't the difficult part.  

The difficulty is in the pain.  It's in the human condition.  

Sitting in pain and despair is the most exhausting of all places I have been.  

Dream-like, numb, and at my end, I sit knowing that I am powerless.  My hope is that He is powerful.  

The scariest thing is the faith has never felt more real than right now.  It well may be that all of the "wonderful" moments of praise, learning, worship, love were training me for these moments.

My darkness is deeper than ever, but I meet Him in the darkness.  In the flood, in the loin's den, in the fiery furnace, in the whale's stomach, in the ashes and sackcloth, in the Roman cross.